


How Cowardly

by DeleahTarte203



Category: Persona 5, persona - Fandom
Genre: Bottom Kurusu Akira, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, HEAVY Heavy Smut, Light Angst, M/M, Player Ryuji, Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Sakamoto Ryuji, oh no, prepare yourself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:33:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29969193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeleahTarte203/pseuds/DeleahTarte203
Summary: Ryuji had a type, which was something he couldn’t say he had before. He loved all women, and he had never been the kind of guy who was picky. But now, he had a definite type, one he hadn’t strayed out of in months.Black hair, curly, big grey eyes, long lashes, pale skin, slender body, bonus points if they wear glasses.Sounds like someone he knows.——In which Ryuji misses Akira, but is coping with it in an unhealthy way.
Relationships: Amamiya Ren/Sakamoto Ryuji, Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Persona 5 Protagonist/Sakamoto Ryuji
Comments: 5
Kudos: 44





	How Cowardly

**Author's Note:**

> Mwahaha! Greetings everyone! Thank you so much for clicking. This story is going to be multiple chapters, but I don’t believe it’ll be longer then 10. However, I plan to put out an epilogue after this is finish. So please! Stay and enjoy!

Ryuji had a type, which was something he couldn’t say he had before. He loved all women, and he had never been the kind of guy who was picky. But now, he had a definite type, one he hadn’t strayed out of in months.  
Black hair, curly, big grey eyes, long lashes, pale skin, slender body, bonus points if they wear glasses. 

Sounds like someone he knows. 

“Ahh! Ah! R-Ryuji!” He indulged himself in this, in her, this woman who he was taking from behind. He watched half lidded, her black curly hair moving in rhythm of his thrusts. His hands tugging and pinching at her nipples. 

Over the past few months since Akira had left to go back to his hometown, Ryuji didn’t cope with it so well. He himself knew this. He didn’t want to get out of bed, he didn’t have motivation to do anything, and everywhere he went brought waves of the memories he made with Akira. He knew being apart from him would do Ryuji no good favors, but it was far worse than he could possibly imagine. If he had somewhat of a grip on life before, he has completely lost it now. His hollowed eyes and face that were devoid of color spoke enough for him.

It didn’t help that for the past week, Akira had been slow to reply to his text. Sometimes, leaving him on delivered for 5 plus hours. And while Ryuji would’ve loved to think that he wasn’t THAT clingy, deep down inside, he knew he was. He remembered joking about it to Akira before, to only have him say, “I don’t mind it Ryuji, as long as it’s you.” With a completely blank expression, eyes faced forward and everything. 

But now, Ryuji could no longer ignore it. He wasn’t as dumb as he looked, he knew what was going on. 

Ryuji was getting replaced, abandoned. 

Akira was growing busy, he had met his own friends again, and got reunited with his parents, he even started a new part time job. It took Akira 6 months to resettle into the place that he once left. He’ll make new memories, new memories without Ryuji. New memories that will make the time he spent with Ryuji nothing more than a distant past. 

New memories with someone else, a new best friend, a new team. 

Soon, when Akira woke up, the first thing on his mind wouldn't be the Phantom Thieves anymore, and it definitely wouldn’t be Ryuji (no matter how much he wished it would be) Akira was going to forget about him, the group, and leave us in the dust. 

Though, it seemed like Ryuji was the only one that was worrying. “I still text Akira everyday.” Said Ann, without looking up from her phone. 

“I’m texting him right now.” Yusuke pipped in, eyes glued intensely to the small screen of his electronic. 

Everyone said something similar, the meaning all the same. 

They weren’t worried. 

But they should be, everyone was too hopeful. Sure he texted Akira too, but Ryuji knew first hand that online communication is nothing compared to seeing Akira in real life. He couldn’t gaze and admire all the different angles of him, or feel the warmth he had felt everytime he threw an arm around his neck. No, someone was probably doing that with Akira already.

Ryuji was probably in the middle of getting replaced right now. 

He didn’t understand how everyone was so relaxed, so happy, and continuing their days like normal. Maybe it was because everyone was busy with something, except for him. They had a distraction that kept them from thinking about the missing hole in their chest that formed ever since Akira left. Ann with modeling, Haru and Makoto with college business, Yusuke with his paintings, Futaba with helping Sojiro around the store. 

But Ryuji didn’t have a distraction, and something tells him that nothing would ever be enough to get Akira to leave his mind. It was like he was permanently there, like Ryuji's mind was Akira’s home. 

The worst part of it was that he couldn’t bring himself to confess to Akira before he left. What if he doesn’t like me back? What if we couldn’t go back to being friends? Can he even stand just being a friend? Would he be able to smile as Akira introduced him to a lover, knowing that all he wanted to be was just that? 

Akira’s lover? 

With those thoughts, Ryuji could only give Akira a fake smile and a hug as he got on that train and left. Did he wish he had done things differently? No. Akira was his world, the hand that reached out and pulled him out of his sorrow. The force that made him face his issues head on. Akira was his push and pull, the pillar in his life, and the person who held his heart. How could he ever risk losing all of that? 

But Ryuji knew that the longer he held onto these unspoken feelings, the worse he became both mentally and physically. What Ryuji needed was a release, an escape, anything at all. 

That came in the form of sex, dates, and women who looked like Akira. 

They were his saving grace.

The girls' nails were painted red, Ryuji noticed. A beautiful, deep blood colored red, the same color Jokers gloves were. 

“Hah! Ahh! More, more!” The girl screamed, she gripped the sheets until her knuckles were a white that resembled Akira’s skin. Would Akira do the same thing? Would he grip the sheets, or perhaps claw away at Ryuji’s back as they did it? 

Face buried in her neck, he lifted it up for just one second to kiss her. The tears running down her cheeks were probably an indication that he should stop, the girl looked ready to pass out anytime now. And he didn’t want to wait for her to wake up just so he could tell her to go home. He let go of the hand that was gripping her waist, and instead repositioned it on her clit. He knew the right amount of pressure to apply so that she’ll cum, but not pass out. 

He has been with this girl, Rina, multiple times. It was hard to find someone that even remotely resemble Akira. Not that Ryuji thought it was going to be easy, it’s damn near impossible to find someone that could match that beauty of his.

And Rina was nothing but a dollar store, knockoff, cheap plastic version of him.

She let out one loud scream before she collapsed on his bed, and this time, Ryuji let her. He didn’t wish to go for a 4th round. He couldn’t even if he wanted to, as his mom was due to come back any minute now. 

He grabbed a water bottle from his bedside. “Rina, you want some?” 

Upon hearing no reply, he turned her body so her face was no longer buried in his bed. 

“.....” She let out little to no noise as she slept. Ryuji's eyebrows furrowed as he began to shake her awake.

“Rina? Get up.” Ryuji tried to say it gently, but the thought that his mom would come back and have to see a girl walk out of Ryuji’s room did not make him feel better. 

“Geez, do you make all your buddies leave as soon as you're done?” She rubbed her eyes, he can clearly tell she wasn’t too happy either. 

He threw her bra and her shirt at her, landing perfectly in her outstretched hand. “Sorry, you know how it is.” 

She managed to find the rest of her clothes, putting them on lazily and slowly. “How cruel of you Ryuji, if you keep acting like this, you’ll never find more than a fuck buddy you know.”

He thought about it, for a moment. He didn’t need more than a fuckbuddy. The one thing he needed, wanted, was not here. In fact, Ryuji had no doubt that Akira was in the process of deleting Ryuji from his brain all together. 

“Well, if you ever decide to settle down, give me a call, except, maybe take me on a nice dinner for once.” Rina smiled as she kissed Ryuji on the cheek goodbye, limping her way out of his room. 

He sighed. 

“Not happening.” 

—-

Akira was nervous, and contrary to popular belief, he does get nervous often, he just never shows it. He knew that on the outside, his expression was as blank as could be. It also didn’t help that his glasses covered most of his face, making whatever expression he had left almost unreadable.

And he liked it that way. 

He looked at the window, his reflection staring right back. It reminded him of when he first arrived in Shibuya. Back then, he was nothing more than a defeated boy, who life just simply threw too many hurdles at. He was someone with nobody, no real friends, and a family that didn’t give a damn about him. 

Things were different now though. 

He looked at the screen of his phone, almost expecting for the MetaNav icon to start appearing anytime now. Instead, he received a text from Futaba. “Hehe, everyone will be so surprised.” 

He smiled. He was on the train to Shibuya, back to be reunited with his friends for at least a month. Since it was summer vacation, everyone should be free to hang out. Of course, he didn’t tell any of the Phantom Thieves but Futaba that he was coming back. Since it was all supposed to be a surprise, the only people that knew were Sojiro and her. 

He didn’t even tell Ryuji. 

Akira had been very busy the past few weeks, convincing his parents, taking the leave for his part time job, discussing when he’ll be leaving, when he’ll come back, how long he would stay, where he would stay. Money was no issue, the whole reason why he got a part time job the moment he had arrived back “home” was so because he could start saving. All that had ate Akira time and energy like a buffet, making him unable to reply or socialize as much as he would’ve liked with his Phantom Thieves. 

It will be worth it, he kept telling himself. And now, he could officially say he was right. He had enough money to go on multiple road trips, and spend it as thoughtlessly as one possibly could. He could treat Ryuji to as many ramen bowls as he would want. That thought alone made everything worth it. 

It’s been too long since he saw his best friend, his right hand man, his…crush. 

When Akira had left, it felt like he had left a piece of himself behind. A half of himself that each of the phantom thieves held a part off, with Ryuji holding the most important, biggest part. 

His heart. 

He wanted to tell Ryuji, scream it out to the world how he felt. But Ryuji was as straight as one can get, and the possibility that he might grow to hate Akira was just a risk that he was not willing to take. So, he stayed silent. He put his feelings away and locked it up, the only person holding the key was Ryuji. It hurt, yes. But he’d rather be Ryuji’s best friend, then not he in his life at all. 

How could he ever afford to lose the light in his life? His sunshine? 

His bag rustled before Morgana popped his head out. “I’m so excited, I’ll get to see Lady Ann again! How happy do you think she’ll be once she sees us?” 

He could practically see the giddiness radiating off of Morgana, his excitement very prominent. “Very happy.” 

Morgana nodded. “I can’t wait to see the look on everyone’s faces once we surprise them.”

The plan was simple. Futaba calls everyone, telling them it was an emergency meeting and they needed to meet at Leblanc as soon as possible. She would tell everyone to close their eyes, which was Morgana and his que to come out of the bathroom and surprise everyone. It was a cut and dry plan, simple yet effective. 

He couldn’t wait to see everyone, his excitement just as big and vivid as Morganas even if he showed no signs of it. The one person he couldn’t wait to see the most was Ryuji of course. 

Thinking about Ryuji, his teammates had been telling him...very concerning things. 

“Ryujis been acting weird.” He recalled a text that Futaba had sent, right after he got done with his shower. 

A week later, Ann sent something along the same line. “Ryujis been off, do you know something?” 

Then another 2 weeks past by, Makoto had called concerningly. “I’m getting worried about Ryuji Akira, will you have a talk with him?” 

Akira’s reply had been all throughout the same. “I’m not sure what’s up with Ryuji.” 

Because he didn’t. When he had questioned his teammates with what exactly was off, they all gave the same answer. 

“He’s been disappearing a lot.” 

Was it school work? Akira wondered, or was it something else? He at one point did confront Ryuji about it, but had only gotten a vague reply. “Schools just piling up, works been an ass without you around, you know that?” 

Akira at the time was happy about the answer, it meant Ryuji missed him after all. And he believed it, until he was proven wrong with a call next week from Yusuke asking if Ryuji was alright.

So here Akira was, ready to see his friends and determined to investigate what was up with Ryuji. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for riding with us today. We will be arriving in Shibuya shortly, this is the last stop for this line.” 

Akira looked outside the window one more time. 

It was showtime. 

——

“SOS come to Leblanc! Hurry! It’s an emergency!!” 

Ryuji put down the dumbbell he was working with. “Huh? What are you talking about?” 

“No time to explain! Come over ASAP!” And with that, Futaba hung up. 

Ryuji was currently at the gym, sweaty and not ready to see anyone right now. He looked less than presentable, with his clothes sticking to his skin and his muscles sore from working out. While it was nothing compared to track, Ryuji had started visiting the gym at least 3 times a week. It was a great distraction and it allowed him to get all his energy and nerves out of his body. 

He had no idea how big of an emergency Futaba was having. Was she in danger? Did she need any sort of help? Worried, he went to call her again. If she didn’t pick up, Ryuji wouldn’t bother to shower and go straight to Futaba right away. 

But if she did… 

“I’m not in any real sort of danger! I just need everyone here, stat!” 

She picked up. 

Her voice was one full of excitement, and Ryuji couldn’t help but smile. “You mind if I shower first?”

“Uh yes do! Don’t come here icky! Something tells me you’ll want to look reallyyyy nice for what I have instore for you.” 

Upon hearing those words, Ryuji ears pipped up. “What you have instore for me? Wait, why do I have to look nice?” 

“Just dress nicely! You’ll thank me later!” Not missing a beat, she hung up on him once again. 

Look nice? Why would he want to look nice? Was she going to introduce a new friend she made to the group or something? If that was the case, then Ryuji wouldn’t mind putting effort into his appearance to not embarrass Futaba. 

He was proud of Futaba’s growth. She had slowly started to be more comfortable with people. And he knew that the group gave her a lot more confidence and comfort to be herself. He also noticed that ever since she began to help out at Sojiros cafe, she progressed even more quickly and nicely. 

Akira would've been so proud of this. 

“Hey, I think your little sis made a new friend.” He typed that out to Akira with one hand, the other one using a towel to dry his hair. 

The shower took 10 minutes max, Ryuji's hair should be dried fully by the time he reached Leblanc. And he had new and clean spare clothes in his gym bag. 

He got a reply 6 minutes later. “Send me a picture if you can.” 

He couldn’t stop the smile that showed on his face.  
“Yeah for sure! I’ll sneak one if I need to.” 

Stepping out of the gym, he could see that he has been there much longer than he intended. The sun was just now setting, and by the time he reaches Yongen Jaya, it should be near dark. 

The ride to Yogen was smooth with no problem. He had the urge to call Akira while he was walking to Leblanc. Akira’s contact was favorited on Ryuji’s phone, making him the second name to pop up right after his mother. Surprisingly enough, it led him straight to voicemail with no rings. 

Did he have his phone turn off or something? That was unlike Akira, he always at least had his phone on if he wasn’t on it. Was he doing something special? 

“I guess I’ll think about it later…” Ryuji murmured as he stuffed his phone into his pocket. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed, or worried, and maybe a little bit upset about it. But it was time to meet Futaba’s friend, and he couldn’t show up with a frown. 

Plastering a grin on his face, he opened the door to Leblanc, the doorbell signaling his arrival. “Wassup guys!” 

Sure enough, he had been the last to arrive. “Ah, speak of the devil and he shall arrive.” Yusuke said as he drank some sort of beverage. 

“Geez Ryuji! What part of emergency don’t you understand?” The way Futaba pouted made him want to take a picture to show Akira. 

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I came as fast as I could! I mean you were the one that called me mid work out, I couldn’t just leave without getting ready first.” 

“I see, that is reasonable.” Makoto only gave him a smile. 

“A mistake you’d be making is believing that he’d actually be here on time.” Ann said, bright big smile and everything. 

“I don’t want to hear that from you!” Ryuji had seated himself on one of the seats right next to the counter. Normally, he would've been seated on the big sofa chairs, right next to Akira. 

But Akira wasn’t here anymore. 

“Why'd you call us to meet so suddenly anyways? Got a friend you want to introduce to us or something?” Ryuji finally let loose the question he’s been holding in this entire time, happy that he let it out. 

“Hehe, you can say that!” Futaba got up from her own seat, standing up with both hands on her waist. “Everyone! I got a surprise for you!”

A confused expression came over everyone in the room. “A surprise? From you Futaba-chan?” Haru, who had been quietly yet gently sipping on her tea up until now, spoke up. 

“Yes! Now close your eyes! No peaking! Especially you Ryuji!” Startled that he was being singled out, he shut his eyes fast. 

Futaba? A surprise for him and the Phantom Thieves? No matter how hard he thought about it, Ryuji was unable to think of what it could possibly be. 

“1...2...” He heard Futaba counting down, he could imagine everyone in the room being just as nervous as he was.

”3!” She shouted the last number, and at the same time, he felt a pair of hands wrap around his eyes. 

The smell of coffee met his nose. 

“Wha-“ He pried the hands off his eyes and turned his head to look around. 

There, standing behind him. Black curly hair, a beautiful pale face with big eyes, long lashes that casted a shadow on his face, was Akira.

**Author's Note:**

> I mean this with all my heart when I say that Ryuji is hot as hell, which is why I didn’t understand why everyone made him out to be average. Which is why the idea of Ryuji turning into a player because he wasn’t able to confess his feelings to his crush came along! So here he is! Our wonderful player golden boy!


End file.
